There’s a dilemma for any guy interested in courting a chick.

He’s got to be more interesting than Candy Crush, Angry Birds, Facebook, Instagram and the many other apps on her smartphone.

Out of the seven billion people (more or less) on this planet, you can’t be the one who fails to find a better half. So, here to help are some hacks that will most likely get you that girl lurking in your wild dreams.

Call call call

First things first. Before you Whatsapp that chick, call her first. Not through the jammed Whatsapp call but through the good old traditional mobile dial. But keep it short (feign busyness) and promise to call her again.

Fire up the convo

Now that the ground is kind of set. Don’t call again, just yet. Fire up a conversation on Whatsapp to remind her about your earlier discourse and that you had gotten too busy.

Keep it short and simple and go offline. If she blue ticks you (reads the Whatsapp but ignores you), don’t worry. Nobody has ever died of being ignored on Whatsapp. That I know of.

So she actually won’t reply

Keep calm. Jesus is in control.

Odds are high that she will not even reply. Especially if you two didn’t have a previous relationship. And now this is where things get even more interesting: the next logical step for her, should you insist on texting, is to block you. This is slippery ground friend, tread carefully.

If she doesn’t reply, repeat the first step; give her a phone call and tease her (maybe about how she is too broke to afford data bundles to get back to you).

Give her flippant answers

‘So how are you?’ She queries.

*At this point, you should be doing the victory dance and at the same time laying the trap.*

Always give her flippant answers. Be as unpredictable, somewhat annoying but yet as addictive as possible. Be like that bird. Flappy bird. Be smart.

Watch out for her status updates

This is the canvas of her life story. Everything. It’s like a showreel. When she is mad, she’ll probably have a sad status with an even sadder emoji. Maybe a bible verse or two.

Whether she is going through some doldrums or moments of joy, it will all be updated on her status in minutiae. It’s up to you to keep notice and decipher which mood she is in. Then come in with a context-aware conversation.

Emojis: use them my friend, use them

Sometimes, you’ll want drop it like it’s hot in the Whatsapp message. Often, fear of rejection takes hold. To brighten things up, use the emojis with thoughtless abandon; whether making a joke, complaining, arguing, anywhere. They subtly communicate what mere text messages can not.

If you Whatsapp her past midnight, then watch yourself moonwalk into her pants

Past midnight, a majority of people are in bed. She probably sleeps late and at that time she has few people online. She will give you utmost attention at this ungodly hour. Make her mind race through fantasies. There is no better time to pique her crazies than this.

Don’t screw it up.

You gotta be funny

There is no way around it. Fun guys are the ones who win. Get a folder, stock memes, gags and jokes. You can always recycle depending on the conversation and who you’re texting with.

Whatsapp groups!

Whether the group’s for your school’s alumni, your church fellowship, your place of work. The serpent is ever on the prowl looking for who to match with the other. Even though many people secretly want to leave these Whatsapp groups, a slew have maxed the opportunity of picking up unsuspecting ladies.

Lewd chain messages

Getting laid could be a shocking 10 Whatsapp texts away. There are chain messages that provoke the responder to a dare, often one laced with sensuality.

With the right timing, these chain messages can produce astounding results. They seem childish though, if you’re laughed at, fret not. Move on.

Send the occasional SMS text and also make that phone call

Do you even know how it feels to receive a nicely handwritten note through the post office? Special is an understatement. SMS feels just about the same in our digital era. And so are the phone calls (again, not Whatsapp calls). These actions will assert your position as a legitimate person who has a life beyond Whatsapp.

And then...

As it boils down, you gotta close the deal: you gotta step out of Whatsapp and meet in person. Wager that magic stick. Maybe, and just maybe, you’ll score.