South African actor Hlomla Dandala decided to have a little fun online, and the results were pretty spectacular. Hlomla’s Twinterview became the stuff comedy gold is made of. And we got to enjoy it for free. On this amazing blessing called Twitter. We are not worthy.
It all began when he tweeted a few innocent questions.
https://twitter.com/HlomlaDandala/status/824624905383800836
https://twitter.com/HlomlaDandala/status/824622348573798400
https://twitter.com/HlomlaDandala/status/824624561102684160
https://twitter.com/HlomlaDandala/status/824623811005853697
https://twitter.com/HlomlaDandala/status/824624435747557377
https://twitter.com/HlomlaDandala/status/824623274034429958
https://twitter.com/HlomlaDandala/status/824623449427566592
https://twitter.com/HlomlaDandala/status/824623046220771328
https://twitter.com/HlomlaDandala/status/824624210869882880
Then, the responses came pouring in. A few people had very interesting responses to questions about workplace theft.
Issa trap. https://t.co/eaEMgxNOyq
— pov (@AsanteWrld) January 26, 2017
Was once a cashier…. Didn't really steal, let's just say I always had money for a coke nge lunch https://t.co/v3i3ZL6U2B
— Mapholoba (@ThamaniSkhosana) January 26, 2017
AfroMiaki had a more straightforward approach to answering Hlomla’s questions.
Nope but I still sleep at night https://t.co/Rynl5dTu3W
— Bandile Solinjani (@RealBandile) January 26, 2017
Quite a few people clearly had some unresolved family issues they decided to exorcise on Twitter.
Which family member you’d sacrifice for the greater good….
Gusheshe (my little bro's dog
)… https://t.co/F77W8I8hji — Mabhayi (@uYonwabisa) January 26, 2017
My dad he's 80 …
https://t.co/yRSC6gznmI — Bandile Solinjani (@RealBandile) January 26, 2017
In response to the most honest thing you’d say to a parent….
Dad, I've been fantasizing of going to your funeral for quite some time now… https://t.co/Lw6BIstCbf
— Bunny (@Banele___) January 26, 2017
"yhe Tata ndine,ngoku wawunkulana no mamam wawungenwe ngonjani usathane?" https://t.co/oT8uGV08KN
— TheRealZoleka (@ndamasezoe) January 26, 2017
Translation: ‘Dad, what kind of witchcraft got you into my mom’s panties?!” Alternative translation: You ain’t shit, dad.
https://twitter.com/TheRealSinazo/status/824635517539143682
‘Umdala’ = ‘You’re grown/old’. Clearly, that respect for the elderly doesn’t extend to Twitter – the land of no chill.
And then he asked… would it be OK to marry someone like your parents?
Ooh fuck NO!!! https://t.co/X7VE3M7QBH
— Stunkie1 (@Stunkie) January 26, 2017
One stand-out response came from Tebogo, who pointed out that one suspicious lover might have been jumping to conclusions.
And have you caught a partner in bed with someone else?
Maybe the cheap hair was an act of a jealous ancestor
@HlomlaDandala — T Man (@tmabaso_) January 26, 2017
But Tebogo had nothing on Miss Scarlet. Savage levels on 100.
Hayibo Hlomla!! Ufuna sithiwe-fetch ngoku. https://t.co/GLa96M1UDJ
— Chairlady
(@nhinhim) January 26, 2017
Translation: ‘No way Hlomla! You want some of us to get fetched [by the spouses] now?!?!’ I feel you, girl. Can’t be kissing and telling in these Twitter streets.
I said I was HIV+ and he decided he wanted to marry me after that, ndaxakana nento and had to tell the truth things were getting out of hand https://t.co/25Vi0fDX8W
— Chairlady
(@nhinhim) January 26, 2017
I can safely say I have never heard of the dating prevention tactic that involves pretending to be HIV positive. Miss Scarlet, who are you and where do you come from?! Clearly somewhere entirely foreign to Tshegofatso!
https://twitter.com/MagdelineMags/status/824638477845336068
This round-up would not be complete without the perfect commentary on endless African prayers. Having been a victim myself, I can wholeheartedly say I understand these people’s pain.
only after the person that prays the loudest stops praying. Just to check if I'm not the only one still standing.
— Bontle ba Azania (@Bonnie0_oMB) January 26, 2017
Unlike this heathen, others retained a tiny modicum of respect – and even fear – when it came to prayer warriors.
My mom is a "prayer warrior" I'd feel the wrath of of God immediately https://t.co/XRBmqh9QZZ
— Mapholoba (@ThamaniSkhosana) January 26, 2017
Howeverr, hands down, my favourite contributions to this saga were the ones who just told it like it is. In order, here are my top three.
- The guy who knows his price.
Who would you leave your family for?
600 million https://t.co/Joqzm3loqB
— Bunny (@Banele___) January 26, 2017
- The woman who had her priorities straight:
its not possible to have such conviction when you're dating a Xhosa nigga. Assume the worst & enjoy the plumbing
— Overweight Jezebel (@dirtybooks24) January 26, 2017
- The absolute legend who took her shot.
https://twitter.com/tselanky/status/824635117423460352
In light of the previous tweet, it might be pertinent to mention that Hlomla is Xhosa so – according to Agadi-nwayi – a disclaimer or warning might be in order. But hey, haters gon’ hate. Tell it like it is and slide in those DMs, girl. May the odds be in your favour.
Started from a question, now we here. That escalated quickly, didn’t it?